Monthly Archives: March 2014

Give In

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For the past two days I have been craving something. Something bad. Yet something good. Thinking about it, obsessing and picturing it, smelling it, dreaming of it – the works. I freaking wanted it.

All I did was tell myself the reasons why I shouldn’t give in. Why I shouldn’t succumb to this really awful thing (this is me telling myself  it’s really awful), whatever. And then I stopped. I thought about the implications, said f*ck it, and gave in.

I took myself to the bar (alone) and ordered a nice, fattening, extra crispy bacon covered, messy, bubbly cheese falling everywhere, greasy, mustardly juicy –  burger. And 2 huge beers. And fries. With ranch. Obvi.

Yes. I did the unthinkable – I ordered a huge burger (insert gasps from the crowd). And I f*cking loved it.

Did you hear me? I gave in to this suuuuuuuuper awful thing (not really), and I liked it. WOW. What a concept.

Now I know what you’re thinking – I made the biggest deal out of telling myself how bad and awful this was for me, which seems silly, because it was only just a burger.

But it’s not really about the burger is it?

We all must do this ALL the time. We probably don’t even realize it. We hold back, we over-think, we don’t give in, we don’t indulge. Why? Because we’re scared. (You got it, I was scared this one little burger would make me fat. Of course all the beer I drink and pizza I eat on other days wont. Nope. Just this burger. Totally rational.)

Once I gave in, and slightly made love to this juicy burger (oh yes, things got weird), I couldn’t remember any of the reasons why I shouldn’t enjoy this wonderful thing – and instead all of the reasons why I should.

I felt a calling to this burger (I’m serious. The burger really wanted me to eat it) and I answered said calling. I hopped on my bike, rode down the street, indulged a little, and went to bed a happy lil camper. Was my belly fuller than normal? Yes. Was this considered bad food that we shouldn’t put into our bodies? Yes. Was it the end of the world that I ate it and enjoyed it and was SO satisfied after? No. Absolutely. Not.

That’s the key. I was satisfied.

Holding back isn’t always good. Unless we’re talking heroin or something here – then yes, please hold back. But everything else – if it won’t kill you – go on and get it.

And this holds true to anything. Get yourself some satisfaction.

Don’t ignore the desire or the craving, indulge in it.

I love you, i’m sorry, i miss you, forgive me, i’m happy, i’m sad, i’m something, get me out, help me. All of it. Be it. Embrace it.

Say what you think, speak what you mean.

And just eat the damn burger.

What You Need

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Ever walk into something thinking you’ll get one thing – and then to your silly surprise, you get something else? Well this was me at a yoga class last night. I wanted a peaceful, relaxing, take my mind off of everything kind of yoga class and instead got a passionate, energetic and extremely powerful class that was set to a guitar, symbols, drum set and some elegantly simple singing – yes, I got me some live music. Now if you know me – you know that I am often easily excited at the possibility of hearing live music. (Similar to my love of sitting outside at restaurants, or in a booth. My ultimate happy places).  Something about it just lights me up inside – or maybe beyond that – it calls and speaks to something inside of me I wasn’t even aware existed. So last night I was stoked, it wasn’t the class I wanted, but it was something better. Nothing but live music in my face with the undertone of yogis deep in and out breaths. It was simply one of the most beautiful things I have ever been a part of. I know that probably sounds a bit crazy and corny but it’s true, it was this hour long moment that I know I’ll never forget.

And it got me to thinking (you knew this was coming…)

Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want – because you need something else.

And more times than not, what you need oftentimes actually comes when you’re not looking for it.

So maybe we’re suppose to look at things in a different way.

More so like, all we have is all we need.

And then what we really need is to remember how blessed each of us are. I mean we’re here, we’re in this life, and we get to experience it and be a part of it. The good and the bad and the ugly and the beautiful. We have been lucky enough to be a part of this.

Instead of focusing on not getting what you need or what you want – focus on what you have. For maybe that is all you need. Right now at least.

And hell if that doesn’t work, throw in a little fantasy to survive your reality, whatever works.

But we just have to remember – what you need is coming. It may not be here now, or not even on the horizon, but it will arrive when you no longer are wanting it.

So in the meantime keep on keepin’ on. And things will fall into place exactly how they’re suppose to.

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