You know what’s awesome? When you say you’re going to do something and you don’t. When you keep putting it off until you this…or when you finally that…just as soon as you…Oh wait. That’s not really that awesome, but it’s what we all do – or at least it’s what I do.
I haven’t blogged in umteen months for what reason? Because I kept telling myself I would write when this would happen, or when I saw this, or when I reflected on that…but the days kept passing and my writing never started. Like I didn’t know where to start. I write for myself, and because I enjoy it, but sometimes I write for others. I’m constantly learning things from the people around me – because everyone’s experience of the same exact thing can be extremely different. Well it doesn’t matter that I stopped doing something, I guess it just matters that I started again right? Even if it is just jotting down my silly thoughts….silly thoughts that I of course appreciate you reading :).
Since my last post when I quit my job a lot has changed, and maybe that’s why I haven’t written much. We all have the beginnings and the endings in our lives – those moments and memories and chapters that are everything we always wanted, or something we strived for that finally came true. But what about that other part? The in between part? The part that you forgot about, or didn’t expect to happen or didn’t know you’d be in. Well that’s where I think I’m at. Hello middle-in-between-slightly-awkward-and-uncomfortable world, nice to meet you.
You’re not really in a “stuck” kind of place, though really not a “together” place either – just a middle place. And I think I kept feeling like I didn’t have anything to talk about until I was at that next place I should be again. That life I should be living. The place where I should look a certain way, and feel a certain way – but that perfect little should place never came. And is that a bad thing? Most definitely not. Who made up that stupid should world anyway? 🙂
For some reason while walking my crazy dog tonight it all came to me (Dude. Daylight savings has seriously ruined my ability to quickly spot the poo, pick it up and be on my merry way. Damn darkness has me hunting around for minutes). And I digress…I’m at that in between part…the part where you’re just looking to the end and seeing how you want it to end and how you will feel and be and look when you’re in the final stretch…but the in between part is less desirable. You’re a bit of a mess, you’re kind of all over the place and you don’t know whether to look back or look forward. I think whatever makes you feel better is always the best route and way to look – there’s no right or wrong way, there is just your way. And that’s always the best way. I know you know what I’m talking about – that place after the high, and even after the lows. The middle. The awkward, uncomfortable middle spot of wondering what’s next.
Now of course I realize this is no third world problem – and being in the middle is not necessarily a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong – I am so grateful for all that I have and all that I know is to come, I’m just saying that the middle part is a bid weird.
I definitely don’t have it all together, and I’m pretty sure I never will (come on, who does), but I think it’s important that I remember this middle place is just fine. Because it won’t last for me, and it wont last for you. Though the end may not be in sight anymore, you know there will be an end, there always is. This middle place is sometimes what really shapes us and creates us. Think of your most challenging times in life, those times when you just wished they’d be over – what happened when they were? You learned. You overcame. You were proud. And you were so damn grateful it was over with. …but then something else came up and you were back to that middle place. The middle adds something to your life, it’s just how it is and always will be.
It’s inevitable. We all get stuck. We all live in this middle place for a little bit, but it really is temporary. It’s the lull to our low’s and highs. It’s the grey day to our sun and thunderstorms. It’s awkward and uncomfortable but it’s probably one of the most real things we’ll ever experience. Why? Because we didn’t ask for it. We didn’t try to be here – it just happens and we adjust.
My man sent this to me today, out of the blue, and I found my reaction to it so interesting.
At first I didn’t know what to think, but then I really thought about it, and I so appreciated it. What a rad thing to be acknowledged and loved for marching to your own, internal drummer.
We’ve all got a little bit of a wild, messy, unpredictable spirit in us and it comes out at various and random times. But we always come back. We always come back to our best selves and what we were meant to be.
I may be stuck in the middle, but I’m not stuck for good. And either are you (told ya I don’t just write for myself).
To quote one of my ALL time favorite songs, I think I just have to let it be. And let it ride. And enjoy the middle.