Thanks for stopping by


This blog post was just sent to me today from a pal and how wonderful it is. Life gets messy, heartache sucks, we have wins and losses and confusing, uncomfortable parts in between.

And it’s so hard to get lost in that in-between.

Lost in your thoughts, your worth, your place in this world – especially when you thought you had it all figured out…and then you get a nice, sharp slap in the face to remind you that oh my darlin’, nothing is controllable and constant in this lifetime but change itself.

Great reminder of your worth, of my worth, and what uniquely cool creatures we all are. Friends, lovers, family members – anyone who lets you and your beautiful, wild, crazy soul go is simply out of their mind.

But the key? Being grateful that even if you weren’t here to stay, I’m happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by.

Re-blogged from

“He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn’t know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. And if he’s doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn’t do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.” ~ Anonymous

My beautiful sweet woman—I know that you love him, but please know that any man who says goodbye to you is out of his mind. I know that it’s tempting to sit in patient waiting, wishing on falling stars and believing that maybe the timing just wasn’t right—or that maybe this lost man just needs to figure out things before he can be with you—but those sweet smelling lies only make us feel better. They don’t actually help to fix the reality of the situation.

He left you or you left him. Perhaps without reason or notice, but nevertheless he is gone from the place that you had held on reserve for him in your life.

You are a glorious, wild woman who breathes meaning into even the most skeptical of hearts, and while I know that it’s tempting to be the martyr and not give up on this man—the truth is he’s never asked you to wait.  He isn’t off to war fighting valiant battles, knowing in the end he will return to you, because he hasn’t given you any reason to hold onto his memory tighter than he ever tried to hold onto you.

If he was the man for you, darlin’—he would still be here. But he’s not.

He might be out of his mind—or maybe he just doesn’t know who he is, and therefore has no real idea of what he wants. But regardless of the reason, he is not the man for you.

You are simply incredible—not when you are dressed to set the town on fire in elegance, but when you wake up with the constellations of dreams still blurry in your eyes. You are breathtaking as you look out at the fresh new tangerine sunrise, knowing that there isn’t anything that can get between you and the ambitions that beat as fierce as your courageous heart.

You are wonderful, simply because of the woman you are, and the man who truly wants to walk beside you in this life won’t ever let you go.

Don’t buy into the philosophy that love has to be hard, or that we owe it to the men we love to never give up on them, even when they have already forgotten the way we kissed them so sweetly.

Love is real, and it does exist, but it has to be a two way street. Both parties have to be willing to meet each other half way on that journey as well.

I’m not doubting his love for you, because there isn’t any way that a man could grow that close to you and not love you—but feeling love and the action of love are two different things.

And you my glorious goddess, deserve a warrior who would go to the ends of the earth, bending time and space in half if it meant just one more moment of having you in his arms. Not a love that makes you second guess what will happen even tomorrow.

It’s easy to say that just because “it’s not working out now” doesn’t mean that it won’t work out a week or month from now—but my beautiful soul, just because you were born with a deep faith in all that you hold dear, doesn’t mean that it will come to fruition either.

Sometimes you just have to accept that if a man can actually walk away from you—then he’s not the one who deserves to be by your side.

The worst torture you can inflict upon yourself is to think that somehow this man’s leaving is a reflection of the woman you are or your precious worth.

My beautiful fierce woman, not everyone can stand next to the sun and endure its warms rays—and not every man can handle having a woman who is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

This man leaving you is merely a reflection of his own sense of self-worth, because the thing is, no matter how hard you ever loved him, you could never show him how much he deserved you, when he hadn’t yet learned to love himself.

Because no matter what you did—or even continually do—that is a lesson that he has to learn for himself through the bittersweet trenches of solitude.

And when he does—he just may come back.

He may finally realize what a mistake he has made, because now he sees that all other women just pale in comparison to you—that he lost the sun while chasing the shadows of his passing fancies.

But by then my dear, it will be too late.

Because you will have a new man—a man who never makes you question his feelings or intentions. A man who kisses your fingertips and holds your heart in the way that lets you know he sees you—not just for the swing of your hair or your crazy ways —but for the soul that you are.

A man who—no matter how complicated or difficult it was or how bad the timing was—has never left. Someone who stays and works through things with you.

A man who meets you halfway, because he knows that no matter what uphill battles he might have to fight to be by your side, it’s worth it—because it means getting to see your charming lashes flutter as you fall asleep against his chest at the end of a long day.

Because this man knew all along, that any man who said goodbye to you is out of his mind—and he’s determined to not be like all the rest.

Thank you elephantjournal and thank you friend for this reminder.

And to all the lucky lovers in my life who get this special, rich love, that have the one who would never walk away – hold them tight and savor the sweetness.

For now I shall be grateful that even if you weren’t here to stay, I’m happy the universe allowed you to stop by.

As I am forever changed for good.

The greatest love story of all?


After being at one of the greatest and most beautiful weddings I have ever been a part of this past weekend I was fortunate to see, remember and experience how wonderful love truly is.

As humans, and especially as women, we naturally place a huge emphasis on romantic love. The love with your partner, that one true soul your insides always search for and hope for, and if you’re lucky enough, actually get to have. The love that shakes you. The love that keeps you moving and breathing, the love that makes you high. That love really is the best love, and one of the most important loves we all long for. But sometimes we forget about another great kind of love.

I love love. And for me, I feel like every moment, experience, struggle and success in my life has brought me here, and allowed me to become the person I was always meant to be – a lover.

But sometimes that sure romantic love we know and feel and get to have doesn’t end up the way we thought it would. It’s confusing, and weird and uncomfortable. And it sucks. When it feels like love isn’t enough, it just doesn’t make sense. Because every bone and belief in your body tells you it should be. So what’s next? And what’s left?

Well…if you’re lucky enough…maybe what truly is the greatest love of all is still around you.

The love you have with your friends.

You know, those friends.

The friend that jumps on a plane and helps you put your life back together when it’s come undone at the seams.

The person who is instantly at your side and shows up wherever you are – even when you don’t ask.

A person who leaves you bacon, cards and coffee at your desk – just because.

The wonderful soul who offers their house, their couch, clothes, a homemade meal  – whatever you may need, the minute things go wrong.

The long distance friend who tears up the second you hug when you’re reunited and chokes up the minute you say goodbye (yep, straight out of a movie kind of moment). 

Or the one who offers you vodka when you’re sick. Then impersonates creepy animals in the hopes of getting you to crack a smile.

The friend who texts you pictures of their adorable child doing silly things, sends loving care packages, the list goes on.

If you’re lucky enough to have friends like this, friends like mine, then you are truly blessed. And when everything is going wrong, remember this love.

Friends that remind you of your guts and your worth.

Friends that stand you back up when you fall and help you fly on the way down.

Maybe the greatest love stories we’ll ever experience in our life are the ones with our friends.

And that’s pretty cool.


The Problem? That I Don’t Want To Get Over You


Read this post today and it’s like the words came right out of my own mouth and thoughts directly from within my own heart…

Re-blogged from an Elephant Journal article by Kate Ross: 


“The ones who love you will never leave you. Even if there are a hundred reasons to give up, they will find the one reason to hold on.” ~Unknown

Letting go is a choice—but it’s not one that I want to make.

Sometimes someone crosses our path who makes us realize life won’t ever be the same again.

It’s not necessarily because life suddenly becomes perfect—but because all others pale in comparison.

The best love affairs are those that change us without changing our essence.

That special someone becomes the compass to keep us pointed due north—and suddenly we know, no matter what life brings us—we’ll never be lost again.

Even when life shows us every reason we should give up—we just can’t find that part of us who actually wants to walk away.

It’s those moments that our soul takes over and keeps us somewhere because the story just isn’t finished yet.

Sometimes the ending of a chapter can seem like the whole damn book is done—but no love story is great because things were easy.

No, the greatest love stories are those that faced turmoil—the ones where life was stacked against them, but they persevered anyway.

It’s not giving up hope even when it seems like the easiest choice.

Because love isn’t about choosing the easy way out—but making the choice to do it the hard way, even when all seems lost.

Because the truth is, there are some people we just won’t ever get over.

Sometimes we find someone so special that we don’t want to walk away—pretending that none of it happened—sometimes someone leaves an imprint on our lives, and we’ll never forget.

We know that no matter what life may bring, or who it may bring—no one will ever be able to fill that space.

It’s okay to not give up—to refuse to get over someone.

Maybe we don’t really have a choice in it at all—because there really are certain people who are meant to be in our lives.

And even when the going gets tough—we just can’t give up on them.

Because this time, I just don’t want to get over you.

While others could look at me and call me foolish—I don’t see any other way to be.

Because if I actually believe everything I feel—how could I possibly just walk away?

If I believe in the pull of the moon on the tides—then how could I ignore the signs the universe has sent?

And maybe I will be forced to move on—not by my own choice, but because sometimes things in life have a funny way of not working out.

But, at least I will know that I stayed true—not only to the words inside of my head, but the feelings inside of my heart.

That is what not giving up is about.

It’s not so much about the other person—but instead the journey of learning to trust ourselves.

Our own intuition.

Our own heart.

And if we then can honor those—then we can honor the other person and their journey.

 When I think about why I don’t want to get over you—it’s not because of things you’ve done for me or physical acts I can measure—but because of how you make me feel.

And I have lived long enough to know—there are people who only come around once in a lifetime.

Sometimes I’ve resented being the one who is the constant—the cool and steady hand.

I also know that is the way it is meant to be.

Because you needed to see that I wouldn’t give up on you—no matter how far you pushed me away.

But because I needed to be tested to see just how much I want this—and how ready I actually am.

It’s been a tangled journey of a thousand secrets, too many promises—and not enough action.

I have to admit that I tried to move on—I tried to fill your place with other things, maybe other people.

And so when we come back into each other’s lives—I’m never really surprised.

Because what I’ve come to believe is that when it’s real—it stays.

And whether it’s a problem, or gift—that’s precisely why I don’t want to get over you.

You’ve said that you hope you taught me as much as I’ve taught you—and you have.

But maybe the biggest lesson you’ve taught me—sometimes someone can come into our lives and we will never be the same again.

Because the thing is, I don’t want to imagine my life without you.

So I sit underneath a darkened sky wishing on stars and the seeds of dandelions that maybe someday it will all make sense.

That maybe someday you will decide that you don’t want to say goodbye to me.

And at that point the only thing left to say will be hello—and with it a new start to get it right.

5 Tips for Wanderlusting the Grand Canyon


Adventure #1 of 7 has been completed! Well wow. This blog post sure took me long enough to write. It’s already been 2 whole months since I was fortunate enough to journey and explore the mile deep views of the Grand Canyon (looks like it’s safe to say we know who won’t be getting the “most timely-blogger-of-the-year” award).

People roam from near and far to travel and tour one of the most beautiful places on earth. A stunning desert disaster, a beautiful mess of all sorts, a wondrous space of both catastrophe and loss, beauty born from rubble, a light created from the dark.  Yes my friends, the one and only Grand Canyon.

Grand Canyon 2

The ever so wise Rumi says that “life is a constant struggle of giving and taking. Of holding on and letting go” and I suppose that’s exactly what awaits each traveler and passerby that wanders and roves into this majestic landscape. According to our good ol friend Mr. Dictionary, Arizona’s Grand Canyon is a natural formation gorged by the Colorado River, distinguished by its layered bands of red rock and its vast scale, averaging 10 miles across and a mile deep along its 277-mile length.

Woah, that’s one crazy gorged rock formation. For so long I had only heard about the Grand Canyon and saw pictures of it, learned of families and friends traveling and hiking it – always wanting to experience it for myself. And wow am I glad I did! (insert hoots and hollers and a round of applause).

When going on a trip it is both habit and necessary to pack suitcases of everything we want to bring with us while traveling – what we want to wear, enjoy and experience while on our trip. But in a way – these same suitcases full of our belongings and preparation become the same very thing that preserves the memories we bring back home with us after every journey we embark on.

Suitcases 2

Suitcases full of memories, moments, smells, tastes – they all continue to remain inside us. Suitcases from the road and suitcases from ourselves. Suitcases of our best moments and our worst. Suitcases of the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. When I went to the Grand Canyon I was lucky enough to wander and rove with a friend, and I am grateful that we got to build a suitcase of moments and memories together, of course never realizing that at the time. I mean do we ever realize we’re creating a moment we’re going to look back on and remember and be grateful for? Rarely. And that is such a shame.

Now while I’m usually not a big believer in pre-planning any big adventure (ironic given what my job is) or trip one is going on, I did realize and appreciate there were some tips and tricks I wish I would’ve known in advance before embarking on this journey that would have led to an even greater experience. So here you go party people – 5 tips for you to be able to wanderlust like hell through the Grand Canyon.

Tip #1

Just go.

It’s that simple folks.

Have a map – but be cool with tossing it out the window. Or veering away from it. Or completely ignoring it and following your own way. We can only plan so much. And sometimes right when we think we’re just about to hit that one moment we’ve been striving for – and that one place we’ve been moving towards and driving to and following the path on, boom. The car stops, the road turns unexpectedly, life smacks you around a bit, crumbles in front of you and you’re just left looking at the rubble thinking, wow. How did I get here? And what do I do next? I’ll tell you what you do. You. Freaking. Move.

The only thing we can control in life is ourselves, nothing more and nothing else. While yes we may have the best intentions in place for the future and vacations and journeys and trips and the best life goals we may have ever dreamed of – sometimes life doesn’t work like that. And when I say sometimes, I mean most times. And sometimes that can even be a good thing (like wayyyyyy later down the road, like way later down the road when you’re cool with the fact your life didn’t go as planned). Life likes to surprise us – to add some twists and turns and bumps along the way to see if we’re paying attention + to remind us of what we’re really made of. To see what kind of guts we have and tug on the heart strings we need to pull on.

In life, on the road, at a crossroads, whatever. Don’t over-think it. Just move, put one foot in front of the other – and go. I didn’t have anything booked before I left San Diego for the 8 hour ride ahead of me to Arizona (to the woe of my travel companion. Thanks for being flexible!). Yep that’s right, no campsite booked (tent camping only obvi!), no pit-stops marked, no excursions or hikes or bikes or donkey rides, no nothing was planned. I. Just. Went. If I would’ve waited until every little detail was planned out and perfect and ready and waiting for me – who knows when I would’ve actually taken this adventure, if ever. I chose a date, packed and drove. It’s that simple peeps. So many wasted moments are spent on over analyzing, over-thinking and over-evaluating. We become paralyzed in fear and then hesitate to take the most grandest moments we have available to us because we got stuck, and caught, and stopped. So just go. Wherever it is – or whatever it is. Just. Go. Do it. Right now.

Tip #2

Spend less on things + more on experiences.

Your time, your money, your energy, your whatever. I’m sure most people on their death beds don’t look back and wish they had more things in their lifetime, they most likely wish they had more time. More time with those they love, in places they adore. Be as simple and minimal as possible.

Adopting this mindset will allow you to be able to do some crazy and awesome and scary and memorable things that you will look back and be SO GLAD you did! Spending less on things and more on experiences in the Grand Canyon for me meant a helicopter ride and a guided sunset tour. Two things that may not be that big of a deal to you, but let me tell you, two things that absolutely took my breath away.

Grand Canyon 3





Grand Canyon 4









                                                             (Pic above of the actual helicopter we took, I did not take this picture though)

I am a talker – a big talker. And I was pretty speechless during each of these spectacular moments.A famous Grand Canyon sunset and a helicopter ride over the gorge? Yes. Please! The  helicopter played classic rock as we came upon our first big view of the Canyon from up above and I’ll never forget that moment – how I felt, what it looked like, everything. It was like time stood still in that moment. I don’t remember what I was wearing, or what I had in my lap and with me – I remember how I felt.

In simultaneously being able to reduce the amount of crap and junk I would’ve brought on this trip, and clutter I have in my house, and life/etc. I was able to enjoy some once-in-a-lifetime experiences instead – making memories to last a lifetime with a friend and seeing the world through a whole new lens.

Less stuff, more experiences. Period.

Tip #3

Get uncomfortable.

And stay there. This for sure is a personal challenge to me because I want instant gratification to feel better and fix and happify the second I or anyone around me is feeling anything anything short of stellar. Don’t.

Instead, wallow in it, and breathe through it because it won’t last forever. Nothing does. The good or the bad, remember that, nothing lasts forever.

If you’re usually pretty spontaneous – then get a little ridged. If you like a good solid plan and some certainty in your day – take a wild leap of faith in trusting that everything could work out and jump into the unknown. And hey what’s the worst that could happen? Sure you may not have a place to stay and may get trampled by an Elk (no seriously, that’s the worst thing that can happen when you don’t book a campsite in advance at the Grand Canyon and you have to go claim a spot in big, open land) – but would you survive? Hopefully. And if not? Well then I guess you just met life’s exit strategy for you. And what a cool way to go! You were eaten by an elk on a girls camping trip in the Grand Canyon? Sorry mom!

Be spontaneous. Say yes. Jump in. Try it. Be down with the weirdness. Not your routine, your style, your way?

That’s cool, do it anyway – in life or in a desert. Get uncomfortable and stay there.

Tip #4

Collect as you go.

(Ok I know this seems like an oxy moron to #2 above but just go with it, metaphorically speaking people)

Photos, memories, moments, places, people, things, mints, souvenirs. Everything. Talk to strangers, ask questions. Learn, learn learn. And listen. You’ll be richer for it. In anything in life – we of course try to remember what we saw and did, but more often than not – we vividly remember how we felt. And how we made others feel. Bring a journal, write, draw, capture, collect, remember. And remember to collect the present too. Put down the phone and pick up your eyes (guilty!).

On the helicopter tour there was an old man sitting next to me, I’m talking like Grandpa status old-man. And guess what? He had an old-school video camera with a vhs tape in it – recording the entire thing. And he didn’t stop. Not once. Maybe the video wasn’t for himself or maybe it was – but regardless, love that no matter the age we all want to remember it all. To take it all in. I guess no matter what that will never stop and I really dig that.

Our minds and our bodies and everything will start to go and fade away the older we get. So maybe we collect things in a desperate attempt to hold on and keep things close. No matter the reason or the rhyme or the why – just collect. Everything. All the time. Because one day you will look back at it and even the smallest, stupidest most minor thing will be able to bring you the biggest sense of joy. Collect things while you can and while your mind will remember them.

Tip #5

Act in the light.

Because man oh man, it’s going to get dark, fast.

Just like any good actor or model knows – you want to be in the light. And while camping this rule is very important. Do as much as you can while it’s bright – dance, cook, setup the tent (no seriously, doing it with headlamps on for the first time assembly of a new tent is no beuno), take pictures, spend time with those you love and try to extend it as long as possible.


Because the darkness will come – but you can be ready for it.

Do as much as you can while it’s light – set up your tent, organize your wood, prepare your food, secure clean water, hug those you love before they pass, be grateful for laughter and silliness, you get my drift.

Enjoy it all before things go dark so you are ready to be fierce and brave and conquer the shadows.

In conclusion…

Well there you have it – my insanely valuable words of wisdom on 5 tips for how to accurately navigate both the Grand and Life Canyons that we all continue to experience in this lifetime.

Did you think you’d read about actual trails to hike, excursions to book, places to stay and food to eat? Well yes, I probably would think that too. And I could’ve written about that, but decided not to because I didn’t need to.

You see, if you pay attention – and you truly notice and listen you will understand that life is constantly teaching us about two things at once.

Both the actual experience we’re currently in (yes the bad ones too), but also the overall, greater plan. The big stuff – the good stuff. The stuff that life is really made of.

In the end, aren’t we really all just on this same kind of Grand Canyon adventure I went on, in our own lives, everyday?

Trying to navigate which path is the right one of the options we’re presented, who to pick up along the way, who to keep walking by, and which way to go.

Until we get to the place we’re meant to be, may we wander and roam and do everything in between.

Grand Canyon 5

Time to Rove


Since I’m not quite yet at a place where the words are-a-flowin easily and I’m ready and able to start writing about what these past few months have felt like I decided what I am ready for is to listen to the one thing that has been calling me since the start of this life transition. The one thing that made sense amongst the chaos, that I knew would bring me peace and ultimately mean something in my greater plan that I have yet to realize.

I am being called to the road. 


To move, travel, explore, adventure – here and there and everywhere. Until I get the words, my voice, some music and a dance back in my heart I shall journey and fumble and move along to help find and collect anything that may have gone missing recently, the pieces and parts of me that have been temporarily lost along the way, and get them back.

You may think I want to travel to escape, and maybe a part of that is true, but couldn’t it also be true that travel isn’t really escaping life, but it rather is allowing life not to escape us? Ponder that shiot.

I had an “aha” moment last night and today I woke up knowing what I had to do. I hear ya world! And I shall listen to your call! Challenge accepted.

For the rest of this year, the next 7 months, I will be embarking on one adventure a month. 7 adventures in 7 months. I shall go to the unknown, alone or with a friend, get lost, maybe get found, do something sporty, or beachy, intense, relaxing – whatever it may be – I have this beautiful west coast right at my fingertips and there’s no time like the present to see what’s out there. Instead of saying “I’ve always wanted to go there!” I will be able to start responding with “Wow, I recently went there and it’s fill in the blank

Kicking off my first journey in June. Where will I go? What do you think? Any guesses, suggestions? Some destinations will most likely end up being bucket list desires, others just random wishes of places I’ve only heard stories about and some may be totally spontaneous – a car, a bag, a weekend, and a drive, that’s all I’ll need.

Nature as my hotel room and the road as my guide – I shall journey out into the great unknown.

I’m not sure what it will feel like when I leave or who I will be when I return, but this is literally the one thing that has been present in my heart since all of life’s shenanigans have gone down, so I will let it rise and I will act on it, instead of just pushing it down and going about with my mundane and routine life.

You know, all of us get calls like this. You, me, everyone, and most of us, we push it down. We ignore it, we think it will go away, and tell ourselves all of the reasons why we can’t do it – financially, the time, energy, etc. – it will cost us. Well what if we start thinking of all the reasons why we can do it instead? And more importantly, why we need to do it. That one thing you’ve wanted to do for awhile, that keeps popping back up inside your brain – DO IT. Now. Today. Right now, start making a plan to do it. Whatever it is. It’s speaking to you for a reason – pick up the phone and answer the call.

Maybe these adventures will lead me to a place and a piece of me that I could have never imagined, or maybe they wont. But I will never know unless I start moving and driving and exploring.

Maybe the road holds my story and will be the writer of this blog for the next 7 months.

Maybe the wind in my hair and new faces and moments and experiences are what this crazy gyspy soul of mine has been craving, and wanting.

Either way. I’m ready.

It’s time to let the wandering begin.